Saturday, May 26, 2007

He is 3!

My DS turned 3 today. Even though he is a very smart boy and we have talked over the last few days about him turning 3, it was not particularly outstanding as days go. Actually my older DD and I were gone most of the day to a rabbit show for her. When I got home DS was down for his nap so I still did not get to wish him Happy Birthday for a couple more hours. By the time he got up, it was literally just minutes from his actual birth time, 5:35 p.m. PDT. It is sad that this was not more special for him. But he will get a special day on Monday when we celebrate with my brother, aunt and uncle, parents and DH's parents. We are planning a picnic in a park near the In-Laws' house and it should be fun.

He is my baby and I am sad that he may be my last. I have always planned to have 4 kids and he is only #3 but I feel so overextended right now with the family I have. Due to health issues I had with DS's pregnancy I MUST lose some weight before we even consider another pregnancy. That combined with some plans in the works for a major vacation trip in 2008 means I will be nearing 35 before I even consider getting pregnant. I am not sure it is going happen. I wish we had made more of a big deal for DS this year. I want to celebrate every milestone as if it might be the last one I celebrate with one of my kids. Turning 3 is a big deal and it should be celebrated. He does not care cause he does not know any different, a birthday, for now, is just like any other day but I know the difference and I shortchanged my baby.

Somehow a post that started out being about my boy has turned into a whine session about me. He is my boy and it is his day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SON.

Blog Challenge

This week's blog challenge from Stacy at Scrapshare is to do a love/hate check using the 5 senses. Here is mine:

The SIGHT of my children playing together outside in the sunshine.
The SMELL of the clean, crisp air in the early morning.
The TASTE of the first strawberry of the season.
The SOUND of the house when everyone else is gone
The FEEL of a snuggle or a hug from any of my kids.

The SIGHT of toys all over the floor.
The SMELL of cooking brussel sprouts, broccoli or cabbage. Ick.
The TASTE of artifical sweeteners. All of them leave a nasty and lasting taste in my mouth and throat.
The SOUND of whining or fighting before school when I can't send them outside to work it out amongst themselves.
The FEEL of sugar spilt on the kitchen floor and left for me to find and clean up.

What are yours?

Monday, May 14, 2007

Amtrak Trip

These pictures are from our recent Amtrak trip over the mountains from Chemult, Oregon to Eugene, Oregon. This trip was a gift to my younger daughter Emily from my parents. My two daughters,Jessie and Emily, my parents and I rode the train. My husband Matt and my son David chased the train back over the mountains. Odell Lake, featured in one of the pictures, is a favorite fishing and camping destination for us. We often hear the trains that travel the tracks bordering the lake so we decided this would be a fun trip to take. Emily, David and Matt all love to watch trains. This is the reason for the trip being a gift to Emily. It was a beautiful day and it was an adventure.

My family went and spent the night at my parents' house as it is about 2 hours closer to the taking off point than our home. We arose at 6 am so we could leave at 7 am to make it to Chemult by 9:30 am. The train was due to arrive in Chemult at 9:40 am. We arrived at our destination on time, though mom was convinced we were going to be late. Then we waited, and waited, and waited some more. Finally at 10 am when the train was officially 20 minutes late, we called the information line for Amtrak. We discovered that the train was running 3 HOURS behind schedule. Now, Chemult is a blink and you will miss it map dot in the middle of Central Oregon. There is just not much there. However, one thing it DOES have is a pretty good restaurant so we headed over there for a late breakfast/snack while we waited. We waited there as long as we could be eventually the kids started getting to restless so we headed back over to the empty parking lot that represented the "station" to wait some more. Finally, at about 12:30 the train arrived and we were able to board. We chose to sit in the lounge car where we had a beautiful view from the nice big windows. The trip was amazing. We were lucky enough to be sitting across the aisle from a gentleman who is an engineer for the freight line. He had deadheaded to Klamath Falls and was riding the Amtrak back to Eugene. He gave us landmarks and told us interesting things throughout the trip. We saw deer and a couple of elk. We also saw some beautiful country that you can't easily see any other way. Poor Emily fell asleep for part of the trip but enjoyed the parts she remembers. LOL. There were certainly so fun memories created as well.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Last Call

Today was Sabrina's final goodbye. I appreciate all the warm thoughts and prayers that all of my friends have showered on her family and mine.

The service today was lovely. Many family members spoke. Her mother told us about the short time they had with their sweet little girl. Cousins, aunts and uncles and even her grandmother told of memories of Sabrina, fun times and painful. My friend Kristi put together a lovely slide show that documented the years the family had together. Sabrina was put in their care at age 3 in 2001 and her adoption was final in January 2003. The photos showed a mischievious, warm hearted personality that loved flowers, animals, family and friends. The final series of pictures of her final months were painful to view but heartwarming nonetheless. She looked like a completely different child due to the water retention from the medications and cancer. One of the local rural fire departments made her a member of their department. As near as I could tell the entire department was there for her final goodbye. Absolutely the most tearjerking moment of the entire service was when Salem Fire dispatch made Sabrina's final call. They called her name three times over the radio and then told her it was time to go home. Dispatch then signed out. Most of the assembled friends and family did pretty well until that point. Of course there were tears but that last call was more than many of us were prepared for.

My DD Emily went with me to the service. Sabrina was her classmate. Em counts Sabrina among her closest friends. Emily did very well through the service though it was a little long for her 7yo patience . Last call got to her as well. Many of the school kids and their families were there and tomorrow is going to be a hard day at school.

I am feeling a bit lost. There are so many feelings flowing through me. Worry that something like this could possibly happen to my children. Fear that I would not handle it with the grace Sabrina's parents have shown. Thankfulness that it was NOT one of my kids and guilt for the thankfulness. My eyes and nose hurt from crying and my head hurts from all these thoughts and feelings rolling around in it. Sabrina will always occupy a small corner of our hearts and sunflowers will always conjour memories of her. She was a delightful, funny, energetic, loving, personable child who had lessons to teach us. She accomplished her goal as she taught us all about love and compassion.

We will miss until we see you again Sabrina. With all our love, goodbye.