Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Last Call

Today was Sabrina's final goodbye. I appreciate all the warm thoughts and prayers that all of my friends have showered on her family and mine.

The service today was lovely. Many family members spoke. Her mother told us about the short time they had with their sweet little girl. Cousins, aunts and uncles and even her grandmother told of memories of Sabrina, fun times and painful. My friend Kristi put together a lovely slide show that documented the years the family had together. Sabrina was put in their care at age 3 in 2001 and her adoption was final in January 2003. The photos showed a mischievious, warm hearted personality that loved flowers, animals, family and friends. The final series of pictures of her final months were painful to view but heartwarming nonetheless. She looked like a completely different child due to the water retention from the medications and cancer. One of the local rural fire departments made her a member of their department. As near as I could tell the entire department was there for her final goodbye. Absolutely the most tearjerking moment of the entire service was when Salem Fire dispatch made Sabrina's final call. They called her name three times over the radio and then told her it was time to go home. Dispatch then signed out. Most of the assembled friends and family did pretty well until that point. Of course there were tears but that last call was more than many of us were prepared for.

My DD Emily went with me to the service. Sabrina was her classmate. Em counts Sabrina among her closest friends. Emily did very well through the service though it was a little long for her 7yo patience . Last call got to her as well. Many of the school kids and their families were there and tomorrow is going to be a hard day at school.

I am feeling a bit lost. There are so many feelings flowing through me. Worry that something like this could possibly happen to my children. Fear that I would not handle it with the grace Sabrina's parents have shown. Thankfulness that it was NOT one of my kids and guilt for the thankfulness. My eyes and nose hurt from crying and my head hurts from all these thoughts and feelings rolling around in it. Sabrina will always occupy a small corner of our hearts and sunflowers will always conjour memories of her. She was a delightful, funny, energetic, loving, personable child who had lessons to teach us. She accomplished her goal as she taught us all about love and compassion.

We will miss until we see you again Sabrina. With all our love, goodbye.

1 comment:

  1. Well written Cali. That Last Call would have torn me up too. Hugs to you!